I'm assuming anyone else that saw this in the last year chose to do so because Jean Claude Van Damme is top billing and the thumbnail on Amazon (other streaming sites are available) is solely JCVD.
But viewers quickly discover that this is not a JCVD movie and have just been conned. He is in the first 5 minutes then the last 15 minutes. He eventually gets screen time but that doesn't warrant being the only name on the title card, especially when this is a nuts and bolts Karate Kid style B movie.
My comments on icheck are usually warnings to others to stay away from a film (but who am I to influence others?!) however I don't think people should stay away from this movie. It's really poorly acted but the characters are 2 dimentional thus well defined in stock terms; the jerks are real jerks, the hero seems to be nice guy and is suitably naive, the buddy is an impossibly positive energy for the protagonist. It takes the piss with a Bruce Lee role, but this only endears it for the 'good bad movie' it becomes (as noted by other comments above).
Arnold Scwartzenegger appears in 'The Long Good Bye' but only for a 10 minute scene with no dialogue and not much screen time. Therefore he isn't credited. The fact that streaming behemoths used JCVD to garner interest in an unknown property with zero chances of redistribution beyond online fodder for fools like me isn't the movie's fault.
I was furious that JCVD wasn't in it very much but have discovered a mid-80s american B movie with wholesome values about standing up for oneself, a positive attitude to personal fitness (albeit complimented with lots of fat-shaming), a romance that was superceded by a bromance that was actually more convincing and especially intimate and several unitentional laughs which count to a fun experience.
JCVD plays an english person twice but needs some exposition to explain his (Belgian-) French accent on account that he does nothing about it. This film has all the ingredients to be just terrible but slips into the good-bad movie on account of its silliness.
Other comments have mentioned the lack of creativity with the twin-swap/mistaken identity and team-up potential which is sort of true but it's not a film that generates too much set-up and pay off either. You don't like the bad guys and you do like the good guys, which is typical JCVD faire. It's a shame Hollywood hasn't felt the need to 'reboot' his films, Chad Stahelski would have a riot with these concepts.
It's about when Zappa tours Italy, finishing up in Sicily, and paints a good picture of the climate and tension of that period at the sacrifice of the apparent subject. There's not a lot of Zappa content, or at least he doesn't seem to be centre of the stage here. What you get is lots of content about someone he befriended. Talking heads remind you how great he [Zappa] was. Family members talk a little bit about him as a father and hustband. "he was so [insert the usual positive adjectives]" But I'm none the wiser to his music, or how he composes, works with his bands, gets his ideas. I only watched it because I don't listen to Zappa. This is a 'Family Man' show rather than a 'Music documentary'. There's excellent coverage over the confusion and events of the final tour night that goes horribly wrong in Palermo. Then cuts to his family today (2013) patting themselves on the back for his legacy. It jumps from Police brutalising fans for crossing boundaries- to Dweezil Zappa (the Son) unveiling a plaque and new street name 'Via Frank Zappa'. The whole 82' tour is a montage. the rest of the doc is the family being introduced to the Italian side of the family long lost since Frank Zappa's parents emigrated. I'm not saying it's not legitimate documentary material which can be interesting in itself- but more than half the film is 2013 family talking to the camera trying to string a meaningful connection with the film maker that I just didn't buy. More interestingly, shortly after the documentary the family fall out with each other over the estate and Dweezil is temporarily barred from making money from Frank Zappa's music without permission from a brother. That's a doc I would watch- with a Zappa record playing alongside.
As if David Lynch had a love child with Sam Raimi, adopted by David Cronenburg and terry Gilliam and was tasked to make a sequel of Fritz Lang's Metropolis in the aftermath of Globalisation in reference to Terrence Mallick and Guillermo del Toro - despite which is still an extremely original work from Phil Tippet. A somewhat passive but brutal and abstract essay on current world crises and film culture as a whole, executed excellently and difficult to watch but compelling nonetheless.
Characters have a fast pace car chase through the streets for 5 whole minutes and get as far as Forest whitaker does with 2 minutes of running and carrying a child.
This is like Con Air where they drive across Las Vegas away from a plane crash only for the Teddy bear from the plane to appear wherever it is they got to after 10 minutes of driving in a straight line.
Or Ryan Reynolds gallivanting around London naming real street names but doing a bizarre route to be where he was 5 minutes before having crossed the River twice. (I call it 'Hollywood Geography').
This film is ok but all the pieces end up in the same place at the end inexplicably. Also, the villain literally kills loads of people but avoids driving his vehicle into a child while trying to escape. Really weird.
I still like Nicholson but this film is endemic of the early/mid naughties toxic male gaze nonsense that kept the likes of (auteur) Micheal Bay in the business. More than one 'Dick size joke'. Lesbianism (literally adult movie performers. ((not literally but in character))) for the gratification of gawping men, rewarded with more of it later. a dumb fight with Buddhas. A joke about learning disabilities (that being the joke), go-to naughties actress Heather Graham playing a cute girl throwing herself at the main character (it's later revealed she's in on it- not a spoiler, if you're reading this then you 99% chance seen it- but the viewer still sees her in underwear for no real reason except nonsense hollywood.) More jokes about learning disabilities and mental illness- with added sexual references. The final resolution of a very public proposal is specifically important to the main character's development and therefore plot worthy, yet repeats the timeless romcom trope of 'giant gestures of generosity and proclamation' whereby females can't separate with a man and then not forgive them when they're confronted about it in front of thousands of strangers. (In 2017 a man in England lugged a piano into a park and played continuously until his ex-girlfriend took him back. He had to stop because he got punched and realised it had 'failed' as oppose to 'had been super creepy and challenged the agency of a woman and her relationship decisions'. This idiocy was only taught from these types of films. Man meets woman, man does something bad, woman breaks up with man, man does something public and 'romantic', woman goes back to man or is labelled a cold bitch or something. Think John Cusack holding a boombox outside someone's house- creepy as fuck. OJ Simpson bought expensive cars as an apology for beating up Nicole Simpson. That's what this film does, makes you think these things.) The plot's redeeming feature is only that the love interest is involved from the outset, so potentially lessens the force of the above trope. Sandler is only manipulated from the beginning by the only person he loves- for his betterment.
Adam Sandler thinks a high-pitch voice is comedic. Only Jim Carrey can do dumb irritating things and be funny.
I always have time for Nicholson but watch Cable Guy instead.
because I want to be the first to comment... (contains spoilers on theme)
great adaptation of Kaftka's Metamorphosis, this film explores racism in America with Jeff Gerber, an insensitive, lecherous racist whose world turns upside down after his skin turns from 'white' (white-face) to that of an 'African American' over night. Obvious hi-jinx situations make way for a grimmer tone as 'Jefferson Washington Gerber' (ex president names like that adopted by Free Slaves, a minor plot contribution) starts to own his new identity in spite of growing challenges to remain at the top end of a status quo- experiencing total alienation from his white suburban society. Wonderfully performed by the playful Godfrey Cambridge, who hams up as an excellent 'ass-hole' in white face, this movie makes several social points within the main action while the wider race riots of the late 60s and 70s intrude white suburban homes via the news coverage on TVs. Gerber is at once treated with suspicion by the police and public, as an opportunity for exploitation (a tool to tap black markets) a new enemy to his "friends" and even fetishised as a new sex symbol in his office. A much easier watch than 'Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song'- which made Martin Van Peeble's the father of Blaxploitation but involves pretty challenging content, this film enjoys a stupid motif of1960s/70 goofy sitcom design but hits a range of nuanced points as well as Cambridge making genuinely funny lines and delivery. Try and see.
Netflix have a problem with re-issuing a classic horror trope and then dumping a load of body-horror torture nonsense (not a spoiler)(check out Netflix made 'Apostle' and you'll agree it's the same fuck-up). Not that I like Market-research based responsive-film creation, but throwing money at every zany project isn't always a good idea as anyone with Netflix membership can attest, even when you have the ingredients to make an interesting film with obviously great source material and plenty'o'references to other established hits of the same formula.
Clunky start with moody, over-heavy, metaphorical dialogue leading to more carefully and tastefully divulged action and story, becoming more poetic, often beautiful... then took a huge dump on the viewer. Fuck me I guess for wanting an intelligent film that is basically Shutter Island (not a spoiler, watch the trailer) but for reals. Like someone thought it needed to go full-on stupid. Like taking a healthy dose of inspiration from early horrors (paranoia, gothic backdrop, social commentary etc) and then maximizing the silliness to out do those 'Horrors' in a contest no one asked for. Jason Isaacs slithers into the identical role from 'OA'- another Netflix piece of crap, (but you gotta love Jason). Dumb film. The scariest part was Netflix's Pitch committee. But the Performances and design were great.
Comments 1 - 13 of 13
Movie comment on Vampire's Kiss
graves
[SPOILERS] that vampire affected the rest of Cage's career and gave birth to an epic meme series.Movie comment on No Retreat No Surrender
graves
I'm assuming anyone else that saw this in the last year chose to do so because Jean Claude Van Damme is top billing and the thumbnail on Amazon (other streaming sites are available) is solely JCVD.But viewers quickly discover that this is not a JCVD movie and have just been conned. He is in the first 5 minutes then the last 15 minutes. He eventually gets screen time but that doesn't warrant being the only name on the title card, especially when this is a nuts and bolts Karate Kid style B movie.
My comments on icheck are usually warnings to others to stay away from a film (but who am I to influence others?!) however I don't think people should stay away from this movie. It's really poorly acted but the characters are 2 dimentional thus well defined in stock terms; the jerks are real jerks, the hero seems to be nice guy and is suitably naive, the buddy is an impossibly positive energy for the protagonist. It takes the piss with a Bruce Lee role, but this only endears it for the 'good bad movie' it becomes (as noted by other comments above).
Arnold Scwartzenegger appears in 'The Long Good Bye' but only for a 10 minute scene with no dialogue and not much screen time. Therefore he isn't credited. The fact that streaming behemoths used JCVD to garner interest in an unknown property with zero chances of redistribution beyond online fodder for fools like me isn't the movie's fault.
I was furious that JCVD wasn't in it very much but have discovered a mid-80s american B movie with wholesome values about standing up for oneself, a positive attitude to personal fitness (albeit complimented with lots of fat-shaming), a romance that was superceded by a bromance that was actually more convincing and especially intimate and several unitentional laughs which count to a fun experience.
Movie comment on Double Impact
graves
JCVD plays an english person twice but needs some exposition to explain his (Belgian-) French accent on account that he does nothing about it. This film has all the ingredients to be just terrible but slips into the good-bad movie on account of its silliness.Other comments have mentioned the lack of creativity with the twin-swap/mistaken identity and team-up potential which is sort of true but it's not a film that generates too much set-up and pay off either. You don't like the bad guys and you do like the good guys, which is typical JCVD faire. It's a shame Hollywood hasn't felt the need to 'reboot' his films, Chad Stahelski would have a riot with these concepts.
Movie comment on Walad Min Al Janna
graves
8/10A really good Egyptian drama-thriller - see it!
Movie comment on Summer '82: When Zappa Came to Sicily
graves
It's about when Zappa tours Italy, finishing up in Sicily, and paints a good picture of the climate and tension of that period at the sacrifice of the apparent subject. There's not a lot of Zappa content, or at least he doesn't seem to be centre of the stage here. What you get is lots of content about someone he befriended. Talking heads remind you how great he [Zappa] was. Family members talk a little bit about him as a father and hustband. "he was so [insert the usual positive adjectives]" But I'm none the wiser to his music, or how he composes, works with his bands, gets his ideas. I only watched it because I don't listen to Zappa. This is a 'Family Man' show rather than a 'Music documentary'. There's excellent coverage over the confusion and events of the final tour night that goes horribly wrong in Palermo. Then cuts to his family today (2013) patting themselves on the back for his legacy. It jumps from Police brutalising fans for crossing boundaries- to Dweezil Zappa (the Son) unveiling a plaque and new street name 'Via Frank Zappa'. The whole 82' tour is a montage. the rest of the doc is the family being introduced to the Italian side of the family long lost since Frank Zappa's parents emigrated. I'm not saying it's not legitimate documentary material which can be interesting in itself- but more than half the film is 2013 family talking to the camera trying to string a meaningful connection with the film maker that I just didn't buy. More interestingly, shortly after the documentary the family fall out with each other over the estate and Dweezil is temporarily barred from making money from Frank Zappa's music without permission from a brother. That's a doc I would watch- with a Zappa record playing alongside.Movie comment on Kateo
graves
bizarre video game graphics of a movie. some nice set pieces but mainly trash. watch with some beers, it's wasted time otherwise.Movie comment on Mad God
graves
As if David Lynch had a love child with Sam Raimi, adopted by David Cronenburg and terry Gilliam and was tasked to make a sequel of Fritz Lang's Metropolis in the aftermath of Globalisation in reference to Terrence Mallick and Guillermo del Toro - despite which is still an extremely original work from Phil Tippet. A somewhat passive but brutal and abstract essay on current world crises and film culture as a whole, executed excellently and difficult to watch but compelling nonetheless.Movie comment on Vantage Point
graves
Characters have a fast pace car chase through the streets for 5 whole minutes and get as far as Forest whitaker does with 2 minutes of running and carrying a child.This is like Con Air where they drive across Las Vegas away from a plane crash only for the Teddy bear from the plane to appear wherever it is they got to after 10 minutes of driving in a straight line.
Or Ryan Reynolds gallivanting around London naming real street names but doing a bizarre route to be where he was 5 minutes before having crossed the River twice. (I call it 'Hollywood Geography').
This film is ok but all the pieces end up in the same place at the end inexplicably. Also, the villain literally kills loads of people but avoids driving his vehicle into a child while trying to escape. Really weird.
Or when
Movie comment on Anger Management
graves
I still like Nicholson but this film is endemic of the early/mid naughties toxic male gaze nonsense that kept the likes of (auteur) Micheal Bay in the business. More than one 'Dick size joke'. Lesbianism (literally adult movie performers. ((not literally but in character))) for the gratification of gawping men, rewarded with more of it later. a dumb fight with Buddhas. A joke about learning disabilities (that being the joke), go-to naughties actress Heather Graham playing a cute girl throwing herself at the main character (it's later revealed she's in on it- not a spoiler, if you're reading this then you 99% chance seen it- but the viewer still sees her in underwear for no real reason except nonsense hollywood.) More jokes about learning disabilities and mental illness- with added sexual references. The final resolution of a very public proposal is specifically important to the main character's development and therefore plot worthy, yet repeats the timeless romcom trope of 'giant gestures of generosity and proclamation' whereby females can't separate with a man and then not forgive them when they're confronted about it in front of thousands of strangers. (In 2017 a man in England lugged a piano into a park and played continuously until his ex-girlfriend took him back. He had to stop because he got punched and realised it had 'failed' as oppose to 'had been super creepy and challenged the agency of a woman and her relationship decisions'. This idiocy was only taught from these types of films. Man meets woman, man does something bad, woman breaks up with man, man does something public and 'romantic', woman goes back to man or is labelled a cold bitch or something. Think John Cusack holding a boombox outside someone's house- creepy as fuck. OJ Simpson bought expensive cars as an apology for beating up Nicole Simpson. That's what this film does, makes you think these things.) The plot's redeeming feature is only that the love interest is involved from the outset, so potentially lessens the force of the above trope. Sandler is only manipulated from the beginning by the only person he loves- for his betterment.Adam Sandler thinks a high-pitch voice is comedic. Only Jim Carrey can do dumb irritating things and be funny.
I always have time for Nicholson but watch Cable Guy instead.
Movie comment on Sorcerer
graves
seriously Matcho.Movie comment on Watermelon Man
graves
because I want to be the first to comment... (contains spoilers on theme)great adaptation of Kaftka's Metamorphosis, this film explores racism in America with Jeff Gerber, an insensitive, lecherous racist whose world turns upside down after his skin turns from 'white' (white-face) to that of an 'African American' over night. Obvious hi-jinx situations make way for a grimmer tone as 'Jefferson Washington Gerber' (ex president names like that adopted by Free Slaves, a minor plot contribution) starts to own his new identity in spite of growing challenges to remain at the top end of a status quo- experiencing total alienation from his white suburban society. Wonderfully performed by the playful Godfrey Cambridge, who hams up as an excellent 'ass-hole' in white face, this movie makes several social points within the main action while the wider race riots of the late 60s and 70s intrude white suburban homes via the news coverage on TVs. Gerber is at once treated with suspicion by the police and public, as an opportunity for exploitation (a tool to tap black markets) a new enemy to his "friends" and even fetishised as a new sex symbol in his office. A much easier watch than 'Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song'- which made Martin Van Peeble's the father of Blaxploitation but involves pretty challenging content, this film enjoys a stupid motif of1960s/70 goofy sitcom design but hits a range of nuanced points as well as Cambridge making genuinely funny lines and delivery. Try and see.
Movie comment on Internal Affairs
graves
'an officer but not a gentleman'Movie comment on A Cure for Wellness
graves
Netflix have a problem with re-issuing a classic horror trope and then dumping a load of body-horror torture nonsense (not a spoiler)(check out Netflix made 'Apostle' and you'll agree it's the same fuck-up). Not that I like Market-research based responsive-film creation, but throwing money at every zany project isn't always a good idea as anyone with Netflix membership can attest, even when you have the ingredients to make an interesting film with obviously great source material and plenty'o'references to other established hits of the same formula.Clunky start with moody, over-heavy, metaphorical dialogue leading to more carefully and tastefully divulged action and story, becoming more poetic, often beautiful... then took a huge dump on the viewer. Fuck me I guess for wanting an intelligent film that is basically Shutter Island (not a spoiler, watch the trailer) but for reals. Like someone thought it needed to go full-on stupid. Like taking a healthy dose of inspiration from early horrors (paranoia, gothic backdrop, social commentary etc) and then maximizing the silliness to out do those 'Horrors' in a contest no one asked for. Jason Isaacs slithers into the identical role from 'OA'- another Netflix piece of crap, (but you gotta love Jason). Dumb film. The scariest part was Netflix's Pitch committee. But the Performances and design were great.